


lexa,

by alivce



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: F/F, im sorry for writing sad angst, it doesnt end well, this is kinda hearbreaking sorry, warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2018-12-21 18:51:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11950467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alivce/pseuds/alivce
Summary: Continues after 3x07. Clarke writes Lexa letters because she just can't let go.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> hey so i wrote this long ago and never posted it here, so there u go!! hope u like it (even tho i warn you it doesn't end well!! i just felt like writing angst)
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> the writing might be messy sometimes, but it's a way to show how clarke felt while writing the letters. also, at first she writes them because it's a way to cope and she doesn't know how to deal with lexa's death, but with time, it kinda turns into a personal therapy and she writes less and less because she's getting better.

i miss you. i can’t believe you’re gone. i’m sorry.  
i can’t stop thinking that you were the one for me. i hope i was the one for you.  
i couldn’t save you. i’m sorry.  
i never thought i’d lose you. i lost my father. i lost wells. i lost finn. more than that, i killed him with my own hands.  
i thought i’d never suffer that much again.  
i thought i knew what pain was. 

i was wrong.  
i miss you. i miss you so much. i’m broken. i want you. i need you.  
i’m such a mess.

i can’t stop thinking about you.  
your ghost haunts me everywhere i go. all the time.  
i loved you.

i don’t know what to do. i can’t cry anymore. i think i ran out of tears.  
everything’s just falling apart.  
thank you for believing in me. thank you for trusting me. thank you for saving me.  
thank you.


	2. 2.

hello. i still miss you.  
things are getting better.  
at least for our people.  
pike got arrested. aden’s the new  
commander. arkadia’s now the  
next clan, but not everything’s  
that great. titus doesn’t believe in  
aden. the ice nation is still against us, even though we are the 13th clan now.  
i still think  
war is coming, things are just  
a little bit more calm.

but  
i wish you were here. i wish you were here. i wish you were here. i really do,  
lex. i wish you were our commander. i wish you hadn’t left. i wish you weren’t  
gone.

titus should have shot me. i should’ve died instead of you.  
your people need you. i need you.  
i need to see your face, to look into your eyes, to touch your skin.  
i miss you.


	3. 3

hello. it’s been two weeks since you... since you died.  
...  
i think things are starting to work out. maybe the ice nation will   
finally accept us. i don’t know yet.  
kane’s doing a good job. he’s negotiating with the commander right now.  
about the repercussions of

of   
your death.  
i’m not there because my mother  
wouldn’t let me go. i wanted to  
be there. i wanted to talk about   
you. about your legacy.

but she wouldn’t let me.

i’m back in arkadia now. i hope  
you’re good, wherever you are.

i’m getting better, but i still cry  
myself to sleep  
e  
v  
e  
r  
y  
single  
night.


	4. 4

hello again.

it's been a month since the last time i wrote to you.

i think the ice nation has finally accepted us. i hope we can finally get peace. that's what you wanted. we made it. thanks to you. _blood must not have blood._

it was possible.

 

about the rest of us, bellamy's

in prison with pike and everyone

who helped murdering all of

the warriors you sent to arkadia

to protect us. i just hope you

know, you did the right thing.

pike did not.

 

octavia and licoln come and go from arkadia to polis all the time.

indra is teaching octavia her

ways, but i think there aren't

many things to teach left.

 

i am better. i have accepted it.

i help my mother in the hospital,

and paint in my free time.

 

i always draw your face. that's the only

way i have to remember every single detail of your face, even though

...

i

i don't think i'll ever forget  you.

 

the truth,

the truth

 

the truth

is

i still miss you.


	5. 5

hello, lex.

it's been three months since last  
time. now i can hear your name  
and not cry.

everything's going great  
you  
were right. aden is a good commander.  
we have the peace you and i always wanted.  
i wish you were here to see it  
but...  
you were the one who started it.  
you did it. you did this, lexa.

i think we are totally accepted.  
the ice nation is being  
helpful. arkadia is growing.  
soon we'll be as big as  
any other clan.

it's all thanks to you.

you  
brought  
us  
peace.

i hope you know it. i hope  
are well.

i'm a doctor now, too. officially.  
i'm good. i help people get better.  
i wish someone  
had  
helped  
me.

i don't think i love you anymore.  
i think i did it.

i don't miss you that much  
a  
n  
y  
m  
o  
r  
e  
.


	6. 6

lexa. lexa, i'm sorry.

everything happened so fast.  
the ice nation betrayed us.  
they never accepted us.  
some of the clans have a new  
alliance with them.  
they have just attacked us  
with fire arrows.  
they are killing every survivor.  
they are looking into every house, every tent. everywhere

i'm going to die.

we all are.

and, also,  
i lied.  
i'm not over you.

i do still love you. i miss you more than ever. i lied, i lied.  
i'm sorry, i'm sorry i lied. i'm sorry i couldn't make it.

they are coming for me.  
i think i'll see you soon, lexa.

i'm scared. arkadia is devastated.

i hear people crying.  
i hear myself crying. i am not ready.  
they are going to find me.  
goodbye.

ai hod yu in, heda.


End file.
